my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
