did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
