Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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