I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
