wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I would fuck him just for his dog
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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