You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
