He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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