Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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