let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think i have two assholes
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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