Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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