And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
