I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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