did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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