I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't think brook has ever known best
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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