You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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