Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
