please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
