i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
