dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
