I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
