SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
