Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
