i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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