your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
