how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
