Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize