So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize