All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
