This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
