I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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