i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
