K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
