Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
