Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
