There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
