these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
