He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
