Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize