dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is the high leading the old right now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
