there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
