okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize