Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
