My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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