You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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