Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
