i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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