Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
