He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
