how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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