You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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