im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Couch. On fire.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
