3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize