Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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