I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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