you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
