i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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