Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
