if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
