we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
