i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
