saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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