somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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