One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw a hot homeless man
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
