whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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