Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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