I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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