you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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