I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
