Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
