This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
