i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
