had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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