Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He shit in the fireplace
You are a genius and a whore.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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