I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
