Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
