So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
